Shirk

Anger is a strong emotion of displeasure caused by some type of grievance that is either real or perceived to be real by a person. The cognitive behavior theory attributes anger to several factors such as past experiences, behavior learned from others, genetic predispositions, and a lack of problem-solving ability. To put it more simply, anger is caused by a combination of two factors: an irrational perception of reality (It has to be done my way) and a low frustration point (Its my way or no way). Anger is an internal reaction that is perceived to have a external cause. Angry people almost always blame their reactions on some person or some event, but rarely do they realize that the reason they are angry is because of their irrational perception of the world. Angry people have a certain perception and expectation of the world that they live in and when that reality does not meet their expectation of it, then they become angry.

It is important to understand that not all anger is unhealthy. Anger is one of our most primitive defense mechanisms that protects and motivates us from being dominated or manipulated by others. It gives us the added strength, courage, and motivation needed to combat injustice done against us or to others that we love. However, if anger is left uncontrolled and free to take over the mind and body at any time, then anger becomes destructive.

Why We Need to Control Anger

Just like a person who is under the control of a street drug-a person under the influence of anger cannot rationalize, comprehend, or make good decisions because anger distorts logical reasoning into blind emotion. You become unable to think clearly and your emotions take control of your actions. Physiologically speaking, anger enacts the fight or flight response in our brain, which increases our blood pressure and releases adrenaline into our bloodstream, thereby increasing our strength and pain threshold. Anger makes us think of only two things: (1) Defend, or (2) Attack. Neither of these options facilitates a good negotiation.

Internal Sources of Anger

Our internal sources of anger come from our irrational perceptions of reality. Psychologists have identified four types of thinking that contribute to anger.

1.Emotional reasoning. People who reason emotionally misinterpret normal events and things that other people say as being directly threatening to their needs and goals. People who use emotional reasoning tend to become irritated at something innocent that other people tell them because they perceive it as an attack on themselves. Emotional reasoning can lead to dysfunctional anger in the long run.

2.Low frustration tolerance. All of us at some point have experienced a time where our tolerance for frustration was low. Often stress-related anxiety lowers our tolerance for frustration and we begin to perceive normal things as threats to our well-being or threats to our ego.

3.Unreasonable expectations. When people make demands, they see things as how they should be and not as they really are. This lowers their frustration tolerance because people who have unreasonable expectations expect others to act a certain way, or for uncontrollable events to behave in a predictable manner. When these things do not go their way, then anger, frustration, and eventually depression set in.

4.People-rating. People-rating is an anger-causing type of thinking where the person applies a derogatory label on someone else. By rating someone as a bitch or a bastard, it dehumanizes them and makes it easier for them to become angry at the person.

External Sources Of Anger

There are a hundreds of internal and external events that can make us angry, but given the parameters of a negotiating situation, we can narrow these factors down to four general events.

1.The person makes personal attacks against us. The other side attacks you along with the problem in the form of verbal abuse.

2.The person attacks our ideas. The other side chops down our ideas, opinions, and options.

3.The person threatens our needs. The person threatens to take away a basic need of ours if they do not get their way i.e. Ill make sure youll never work in this city again.

4.We get frustrated. Our tolerance level for getting things done might be low or affected by any number of environmental factors in our lives.

Factors That Lower Our Frustration Tolerance

1.Stress / Anxiety. When our stress-level increases, our tolerance for frustration decreases. This is why there are so many domestic disputes and divorces over financial problems.

2.Pain. Physical and emotional pain lowers our frustration tolerance. This is because we are so focused on taking care of our survival needs, that we do not have time for anything or anyone else.

3.Drugs / Alcohol. Drugs and alcohol affect how our brain processes information and can make a person more irritable or bring forward repressed emotions or memories that can trigger anger.

4.Recent irritations. Recent irritations can also be called having a bad day. Its the little irritations that add up during the course of the day that lower our tolerance for frustration. Recent irritations can be: stepping in a puddle, spilling coffee on your shirt, being late for work, being stuck in a traffic jam, having a flat tire.

Recognizing the Physiological Signs of Anger

By recognizing the physiological signs of anger, we can attune ourselves to know when it is time to take measures to make sure that our level of anger does not get out of control. Here are some symptoms of anger:

1. Unconscious tensing of muscles, especially in the face and neck.

2. Teeth grinding

3. Breathing rate increases dramatically

4. Face turns red and veins start to become visible due to an increase in blood pressure

5. Face turns pale

6. Sweating

7. Feeling hot or cold

8. Shaking in the hands

9. Goosebumps

10. Heart rate increases

11. Adrenaline is released into your system creating a surge of power.

Am I Right to be Angry?

Damn right you are. You have your own perception and expectation of the world that you live in and when the reality that you live in fails to meet your expectations, then yes you have the right to be angry. Afterall, if everyone thought alike, then the world would be a pretty dull place to live. You are going to run into situations that you dont enjoy. You are going to run into people who dont respect your views and ideas. The feeling of anger is totally justified according to your beliefs and so dont repress or deny those feelings.

Having to right to feel angry does not mean that you have the right to lash out in anger by attacking the other person. You cant change the views of other people to conform to your own because, like you, they have their own right to uphold their view of the world. The best thing you can do is recognize your anger and focus it on the problem instead of your counterpart.

Key Points

Being angry or frustrated is just like being under the influence of a drug. It prevents you from rationalizing and thinking logically.

Anger is caused by a combination of an irrational perception of reality and a low frustration point.

Anger is a natural response and you have every right to be angry, but you must learn to keep that anger in check during a negotiation because once you react in any negotiation, then you lose the agreement.

About The Author

Tristan J. Loo is an experienced negotiator and an expert in conflict resolution. He uses his law enforcement experience to train others in the prinicples of defusing conflict and reaching agreements. Visit the Street Negotiation website at http://www.streetnegotiation.com or contact tristan at: tristan@streetnegotiation.com

Looking for somewhere to go this summer? Have you thought about going to somewhere where there's a nice sandy beach, where the summer sun just beats down on your head and where the jewel toned waters will cool you down? If you've been thinking beach Cancun is the way for you to go then. There's no place quite like Cancun and it's the perfect spot for you to get away from all your troubles.

Since you want the beach Cancun really should be the only place you need to look. Yes, there are other beaches in Mexico and yes there are other beaches elsewhere as well, but why spend all that money on getting to these places when you know in your heart of hearts that Cancun is the place for you to be. There's no place like home as the famous line goes and there's also no place like the beach Cancun is famous for, for spending your vacation.

If you go in the height of summer though be prepared to pay the price for that as you will have to find a spot for you to camp out in with great difficulty. Being one of the places for Americans to go along with a few other choice destinations of course, you'll find that the beach Cancun is famous for is fully loaded, even overloaded, with tourists and locals alike.

Some days it will be all you can do to get a finger in much less your beach towel and your whole body! On these days if you don't mind forgoing the beach you can go sightseeing around Cancun and avail yourself of its hospitality. There are many things you can do while in Cancun, although most of these things do tend to center around the beach Cancun also boasts of other attractions but these might not be to your taste.

You could of course always go on a tour of Cancun, or maybe even on a tour which will take you further afield. These can be just as fun ways to spend your time in Cancun as any. However since the beach is what you came for, the beach Cancun is famous for is what you should get. So if you can brave the press of people it's very easy to wriggle your way around people and find the perfect spot for you to dump your beach towel on, and then you can be away swimming in the cool waters of the sea.

Bowe provides free information on Cancun. Go and visit his site to Get information on Cancun resorts, vacation packages and much, much more.

You may have read about many homeowners who are facing large payment increases from the initial payment structure of their loan. Payments which in many cases may be beyond their reach, you might ask, What went wrong? In order to have affordable payments entry-level buyers may have selected an adjustable-rate mortgage with a two or three year fixed term. This short-term adjustable-rate does not allow enough time for the property to appreciate in today's sluggish real estate market. The smarter choice would have been an adjustable-rate mortgage with a term of five to 10 years. However, not to all adjustable-rate loans are bad, the adjustable-rate loan has one big benefit, in that it is normally an interest-only payment structure which would save a buyer approximately $100 per month for every $100,000 borrowed and also allows payments to be reduced by the paying of principal.

Many of these adjustable-rate loan products have helped fuel the high appreciation rates of our market. And while I'm sure that in retrospect the average consumer would have chosen a product that had a longer fixed term built into it for a slightly higher payment. Now you can find adjustable mortgages with the 10 year term with very competitive pricing. When shopping for a mortgage you'll need to analyze the different programs and payments, then ask yourself how long you are expecting to be in this home. Once you've analyzed these factors, you will need to match your needs and goals to the term of your loan.

Lastly you need to understand that if you don't sell or refinance before the adjustment occurs your payment will substantially increase. What the payment will be? The note rate at the time of the adjustment is determined by adding the margin, a number usually between 2.5 and 3.5 that is determined by the bank with the other component of the rate which is the index. Typically used is the LIBOR index which changes daily. Adding these two components together will give you an approximation of what your payment will be at the time of the adjustment. If the level of this payment is going to be a concern for you it would be wise to consider taking a longer term note. Additionally you will need to understand that many loans come with a prepayment penalty, the cost of this is usually six months of interest if you pay off the loan early. Typically you can find a program that has no prepayment penalty in exchange for slightly higher interest rate. Be sure to ask which options are available and what the difference in cost for a loan without the prepayment penalty will be.

In conclusion, when you're shopping for a loan there are many factors that you need to consider when selecting the type of loan that you use. You will need to thoroughly analyze your situation, your goals, and your needs so that you can make an educated decision about what type of loan program is right for you. Keep in mind that adjustable-rate loans if used properly can have huge benefits for the borrower, but if used improperly or without respect they can endanger your financial future. So if you do decide to use an adjustable-rate loan make sure that you understand the terms and are comfortable with the idea that the payments will adjust substantially at some point.

Co-written by Randy Nathan and James Dedolph, creators of HomeSniffer.com where you can find Homes for Sale in San Diego and LoanSniffer.net where you can find the best rate and terms for Homes Loans in San Diego.

Both of these sites are a good resource for information about San Diego Real Estate.